In many ways tinder isn’t real, (see part 1 and 2) in other ways it is both real and not real. One factor in particular falls into this category, and it is probably the most intoxicating factor of all…
I’d been out of the dating game for a while, ever since the whole actor/paris debacle. And when I had that initial conversation with a male friend who had recently found Tinder, I was admittedly a bit jealous that dating was now just an every day part of his life.
In the past I have been described as a serial dater. Relationships are not really my thing. When I fall, I fall hard and I very rarely do ‘seeing some one.‘ With me it’s a couple of dates and if cupid hasn’t struck by then, then on to the next one. But like I said I was out of the game.
I wasn’t even sat on the bench toying with the idea of getting back in the game. I couldn’t remember the last time I had even flirted with some one. The longer I sat in the dressing room, the less confidence I had to run out down the tunnel and just PLAY.
I was feeling insecure, maybe the actor thing had knocked me more than I thought, but I truly felt invisible when it came to members of the opposite sex. This was new to me. I’m not saying I’m sexy and I know it, but I am a flirt, a super flirt that had lost her superpower… the confidence to give some body the eyes.
The very thing that put me off about Tinder, was the exact same thing I needed to get back in the game. With Tinder you don’t have to take a chance and just say Hi. The removal of the unknown. You can only talk to guys and girls who are mutually attracted to you – or at least a selection of good photos of you.
With every match my confidence grew. It’s a compliment even if it is followed up by a smutty remark. Tinder tells you, some one fancies you. Tinder tells you, you look good.
It’s shallow and horrible and used mainly for hook ups, but it is a boost.
A very real confidence boost. Before I even started to date people off Tinder I felt just using it was putting me back in the game. I didn’t feel invisible any more, I would notice the occasional guy check me out, I felt my eyes warming up. I was on the bench, about to be called up.
In 10 days I went on 4 first dates with 4 different guys all with varying success. Of course if you’re gonna get back in the game you may as well dive straight into the deep end.
But here is the catch, or rather the warning. As I have said before Tinder isn’t real and there is a very strong possibility that the people you meet on there might not fancy you in real life.
Of the 4 dates I went on, in many ways the most interesting date to me, was the least successful one, the date with the guy that wasn’t really interested.
We’d obviously mutually matched on tinder, but almost from the second we met, we both new, that in reality this wasn’t a match. The evening was pleasant enough, and we chatted for a good couple of hours, all conducted with the feeling that this would be the first and last conversation we had. At the end of the night we parted our ways with a nod and a “see you around.”
Luckily this indifference was mutual but it got me thinking. My confidence was the highest it had been for months, what if the indifference hadn’t been mutual. What if I fancied him as much in real life as I did on the app. Wouldn’t that nonchalant “see you around” have hurt a little? Wouldn’t it have been enough to knock all the wind out of my sails? Wouldn’t it have taken away all my new found confidence?
I feared it would have done. I feared it might even have left me with less confidence than I had had before. I might have felt foolish even, to have believed tinder when it threw me it’s compliments.
Luckily that was all hypothetical, luckily I was as indifferent as he was, but from then on I proceeded with caution.
Any confidence boost is a good thing, but it is also intoxicating, addictive even. I felt my ego growing scarily large in a scarily short amount of time, I was becoming addicted to Tinder, and while the confidence is, or rather can be, real so many other things on there aren’t.
So yes, use Tinder to your hearts content, I hope you find at least one match that makes you smile, and take that confidence into the real world. People do fancy you, you’re not invisible, just make sure you don’t let a bad tinder date take all that away from you x