As I have mentioned before and as regular readers will have gathered, I am, it must be said a serial dater. I very rarely get into a relationship and when I am dating some one it doesn’t ever last long. A combination of bad luck, bad guys and me generally having a bad attitude towards the big R (I haven’t got my own life anywhere near sorted, why would I want to try and sort yours out too?).
Having said this, I am beginning to find dating exhausting. Not exhausting as such, but, how do I put this? Demoralising.
This week I went out with a guy, who was just OK, and that’s when it hit me.
I would rather have a TERRIBLE date than a just OK one.
Terrible dates are horrible, awkward and hilarious. Like the time I went on a date with a guy who made me wait while he finished reading his chapter, before going on an hour rant about Brazilian beef and why he hated charity. That was a cringe worthy afternoon (did I mention it was an afternoon date, in what was, essentially, a greasy spoon café?) and a GREAT story. In fact I had a better time telling my friends about the date than I did on the date. And for that I thank him. I chalked it up to experience and learnt something.
Don’t date a guy who reads Michael McIntyre’s autobiography.
But with an OK date there is nothing to be taken away.
Before I went out on Tuesday night, my best friend told me not to get too attached because she needs me to marry Greg James (obviously). The next day I told her she hadn’t have worried. She pressed me for details and I didn’t have any to give.
What could I tell her. That I had an alright time? That it had been nice enough?
The truth was after I left my date on Tuesday night I had felt nothing. I got on the bus, went home, switched on Netflix and didn’t give it a second thought.
But the next day I did get to thinking. I got to thinking about how long it had been since I was excited about a date, excited about a guy. When was the last time I went on a date because I really wanted to? When was the last time I went on a date for reasons other than just to see or why not?
My date had left me feeling meh and when you feel meh you miss those other feelings. Feeling excited about some one. Feeling like you like someone. Feeling for some one. And when you miss THOSE feelings, you start feeling and thinking what is wrong with me?
Of course there is nothing wrong with me. If I had been on a bad date, I would have blamed the guy, laughed about it and moved on. But when you go on an OK date, there is no one to blame and there is no story to tell, you’re left with, well, nothing.
So for now I am tired of dating just because. And while I may still have bad luck, a soft spot for bad guys and a bad attitude to the big R that doesn’t mean I am ruling it out all together. I think the next time I go on a date it will be with a guy who has the potential to leave me crushing, crushed, or at the very least cringing, because I would rather feel anything other than nothing. X