Morrrrrrning everyone! How are you today?
I’m truly exhausted, I seriously need some sort of holiday from waitressing already! But every time I have an exhausting shift at the day job it spurs me on that little bit more to head after what I really want in life!
I sometimes worry that I come across a little too pep talky on here so here is some honesty to counteract that…
I say that every time I have an exhausting shift it spurs me on, and it does, but sometimes it takes 5 minutes for that drive to kick in, sometimes it takes 5 days.
Last night I was laid in bed, drifting in and out of sleep and having work related dreams, generally feeling restless. I was laid there thinking what if this is it? What if I’m 25 and still here in my parents house, in a single bed (of course, I’d still be single) thinking that my feet ache from another shift waitressing and I start worrying about varicose veins.
And here is a bit more truth for you…
Leaving Manchester, coming home and starting waitressing all over again was tough. Really tough. I had old regulars asking me why I was back, I had old colleagues asking how long it would be for, I had parents asking what next.
I felt like a failures, and sometimes after a long shift I still do.
But I’m not a failure, and I decided the only person really making me feel that way was me. Negativity is a choice.
I am a human being, I get sad, frustrated, angry and jealous (jealous enough to warrant a whole other post on the subject). I am not a Zen goddess that oozes positivity all the time, I just try to keep the balance. Sometimes I need a good cry, sometimes I need to give myself a pep talk and say if you don’t want varicose veins when you’re 25 you’d better get up in the morning and do something about it.
Last week I said I might disappear from here for a while to concentrate on my theatre work, as it is I ended up posting on here more often than usual. Then I realised when I focus my energy on being organised and creative, ideas and plans come rushing out of me, and not all of them can be made into a show. My notebook is now full of scribbles for my theatre work and for this little spot of Zen ramblings here too. I just shifted my energies I guess!
Thanks for reading everyone, I hope you can all pick yourself up to go after the things you really want to. And if you don’t have the energy right now to do that, give yourself a break, have a cup of tea, you deserve it.
What knocks you down and spurs you on? Let me know in a comment below x
PS. I found a bunch of old pictures (mainly if tea and cake) and I have been playing with some photo editing so expect to see them sporadically dotted around posts.
Pps. I spent a little time last week, playing around with design and making my blog and website look as one, what do you think? Oh and I decided to just go with the one twitter account, so be sure to follow me @teacuptheatre