Morning Monday…


The Yard, Lancaster - a lovely spot for creative scribbling right next to King Street Studios

Morrrrrrning everyone! How are you today?

I’m truly exhausted, I seriously need some sort of holiday from waitressing already! But every time I have an exhausting shift at the day job it spurs me on that little bit more to head after what I really want in life!

I sometimes worry that I come across a little too pep talky on here so here is some honesty to counteract that…

I say that every time I have an exhausting shift it spurs me on, and it does, but sometimes it takes 5 minutes for that drive to kick in, sometimes it takes 5 days.

Last night I was laid in bed, drifting in and out of sleep and having work related dreams, generally feeling restless. I was laid there thinking what if this is it? What if I’m 25 and still here in my parents house, in a single bed (of course, I’d still be single) thinking that my feet ache from another shift waitressing and I start worrying about varicose veins.

Completely demoralised.

And here is a bit more truth for you…

Leaving Manchester, coming home and starting waitressing all over again was tough. Really tough. I had old regulars asking me why I was back, I had old colleagues asking how long it would be for, I had parents asking what next.

I felt like a failures, and sometimes after a long shift I still do.

But I’m not a failure, and I decided the only person really making me feel that way was me. Negativity is a choice.

I am a human being, I get sad, frustrated, angry and jealous (jealous enough to warrant a whole other post on the subject). I am not a Zen goddess that oozes positivity all the time, I just try to keep the balance. Sometimes I need a good cry, sometimes I need to give myself a pep talk and say if you don’t want varicose veins when you’re 25 you’d better get up in the morning and do something about it.

Last week I said I might disappear from here for a while to concentrate on my theatre work, as it is I ended up posting on here more often than usual. Then I realised when I focus my energy on being organised and creative, ideas and plans come rushing out of me, and not all of them can be made into a show. My notebook is now full of scribbles for my theatre work and for this little spot of Zen ramblings here too. I just shifted my energies I guess!

Thanks for reading everyone, I hope you can all pick yourself up to go after the things you really want to. And if you don’t have the energy right now to do that, give yourself a break, have a cup of tea, you deserve it.

What knocks you down and spurs you on? Let me know in a comment below x

PS. I found a bunch of old pictures (mainly if tea and cake) and I have been playing with some photo editing so expect to see them sporadically dotted around posts.

Pps. I spent a little time last week, playing around with design and making my blog and website look as one, what do you think? Oh and I decided to just go with the one twitter account, so be sure to follow me @teacuptheatre


8 thoughts on “Morning Monday…

  1. Familiar situation but it’s good you can stop yourself from being negative and sad about it. For me, the sense that I’m making no progress in something really knocks me down but then if you don’t give up, results will come eventually.

    • yeah sometimes it is hard to ignore that voice saying ‘what is the point?’ and other times I fins it hard to gain perspective on how far I have come, I guess there is no answer to it, other than you know in yourself if you simply HAVE to pursue something, and sometimes that has to be enough x

  2. Seriously, this post could have been written by me. The “waitressing” bit especially, but also the way I tend to fall into negativity and discourage myself! I’m also living at home and sleeping in a twin bed, but every time I frighten myself by wondering “what if I never…” I try to do the same thing as you: tell myself I only have to work to change things! And I also try to see the positive. I love my parents and enjoy this life, for now. When I look back on these years, I want to know that I made the most of any situation.
    For instance, unemployment spurred me to create a blog, and now it’s given me a lot of opportunity I wouldn’t have thought of otherwise, and is actually helping bolster my resume to finally get that job! Thanks for sharing.

    • I have to admit that blogging has probably honed my writing skills and made me realise want I am interested in writing in more than anything else in the past two years. Sometimes I feel like I am using it as a distraction from working on my theatre stuff but more and more they slide into place to fit together perfectly!

      And without waitressing I would never have made my first show so I know really the things that don’t feel like they are “good” right now, in a few years time, will stick out as the best things that could have happened. Xx

  3. I tend to feel the same way many times in a week, if not a week then a day. I choose what is probably a less creative way of dealing with it. I decide that there is nothing else I can do and I push all my panic and fear deep down for the time when I’m feeling happier and more successful. That me can deal with them. He may not be over joyed but screw him, he’s happier and more successful.

  4. Yes.
    That’s all I have to say.
    Well, apart from:
    “Stephie you are amazing and possibly the most motivated 20 something I have ever met”
    “I’m 37 and I still often think… ‘What if this never happens?’ – ‘What if I can’t do this?’”
    Let’s have some tea soon xxxxx

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