morning monday… or how not to cope with free time…

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Just in case you missed them on Instagram, here is a picture of the gorgeous bunch of flowers I was given when I left work last week!

 

Morrrrrrning everyone! How are you? Well rested and ready to face the week ahead? Got lots of exciting or stressful plans? Going to work? Running late? Wishing it was the weekend?

Have you? Do you? If so please tell me, at length, about it? Because after one week of being in unemployment limbo (ie. no longer a waitress, not quite a young professional taking on the rural Lancashire arts scene) I’m actually… sort of…um… bored.

Which is insane because seriously last week I had a gorgeous time, especially with all the lovely sunshine, but it was a bit like a lovely holiday and now that I am facing another week of absolutely no CONCRETE plans, I’m totally lost!

Here’s the thing, my to do list is actually no smaller than usual, and there are a couple of big things on there, such as…

  1. Become a Grown Up and
  2. Sort out contract on new flat (more on that later…)

But I have become so used to my old routine of manically squeezing EVERYTHING in that now I have this little thing called time, I don’t really know what to do with it.

I guess I crave structure, I crave having seemingly impossible deadlines with only tiny amounts of of time to fit things into . I guess I’m a natural at being stressed.

This isn’t entirely new news to me, a friend once asked me when the last time I had just completely switched off was, and I realised it was on holiday after finishing uni. That is 3 years ago now, enough time to fit a WHOLE other degree in.

Seriously I need help, I’ve actually given myself a mild bout of insomnia because I am, what? Stressed about not being stressed?

I’m not entirely sure where I am going with this one. Part of me is pleased that I’m not the type of person that suits being unemployed, the other part of me really wants to be able to chill out.

I guess even though I have all this time off I am really excited, nervous and itchy to get on with the next part of my life. I know the next few months are going to really push me and I just want to get on with it, to get organising, to get living my new life. But the thing is I can’t, I can’t start until I start meaning I am just going to have to wait it out in my own agonising limbo.

So this week I’m going to try and be productive in other areas, maybe a rehearsal in my back garden, start packing, finish off (by which I mean start and complete) those sewing projects.

I will get good at this winding down business even if it kills me. Live life & chill out x

Ps. I know this sort of contradicts last week’s post about “me time” but the point is that that me time was a precious few hours snatched between waitressing, and most of the time it involved being productive in some way, but now I don’t have anything to steal time away from. My time is ENTIRELY my own… urgh the more I type the more I realise I might actually be an insane person. Please somebody tell me they relate? Or understand? Or know the number of a good therapist?

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