It has been a while since I posted anything remotely resembling a post about love. And there is one very good reason for that… Because it has been a while since I had anything that even remotely resembled a love life.
Don’t get your hopes up that hasn’t changed, but my feelings about that are wavering back and forth.
Being single has never really bothered me. I’m hopelessly independent, and focus on being the type of selfish I have to be to get where I want to be. I don’t like the idea of having to compromise my own dreams for someone and I certainly don’t like the idea of being responsible for somebody else’s feelings. I have my own back story that involves being in a relationship where I didn’t think twice about doing either of those things and that is why I am where I am now. Yes it might be a little damaged but all in all I think it is a pretty healthy perspective to take on being a long term single.
After all I’ve certainly achieved a hell of a lot in the time since I was last in a relationship, and I am still very young.
But, and there is always a but isn’t there? I am now in a completely different position to any I’ve ever been in before.
For the first time in my twenties I have stability, and I have stability for a set and known time frame. I can answer the question “so what do you do” with a concrete and confident answer. I can answer the question “so where do you live?” Without then having to launch into a great big long complicated explanation. And if somebody asked me “so, do you fancy grabbing a drink sometime?” I could definitely see myself saying yes, without having to over think the logistics of where that might lead or how I was going to explain my whole life to someone.
For the first time in my twenties,I think I might actually being the position to have a happy and healthy relationship.
I also live in Blackburn and in the past month I have seen precisely 3 guys I have found attractive.
That isn’t 3 guys that I have met, that is seen. As in just in the street. I haven’t actually met any of them.
When everything was falling into place with my job and flat and life I told myself not to expect love to come knocking, but part of me,a big part of me did. Maybe the guy down the hallway would be perfect, or I’d meet somebody adorable at an art event, or we’d just reach for the same pint of soya milk at the supermarket.
But that hasn’t happened. Obviously.
Here’s the thing just because you might be ready for something it doesn’t mean it will happen straight away. And maybe if you’re as expectant as I have been in the past few weeks, you’re not truly ready for it. After all they say it will happen when you are least expecting it.
I guess at times like this I just have to take comfort in the fact that if it does happen, then that is OK. Because my life is OK,more than OK, and I am OK, even if I am all by myself.
And hey, there is always tinder.
Live life & love it/yourself/a significant other x