morrrrning wednesday!

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Helloooooo! How the chuff are you? So much to tell, so worried that if I put it all in one post it would take you all day to read!

For the first time in probably the last 6 months this week I missed my usual ‘morning Monday‘ post, but I figured I’d give myself a break, after all it isn’t most Monday’s that you wake up in a field after only 5 hours of sleep. And no matter how hard I tried I just didn’t have the energy to be inspirational or zen!

Don’t worry I didn’t wake up in a field by accident, I spent the weekend at T in the Park, which deserves and will have a full post dedicated entirely to it, but I am going to save that for Friday, maybe by then all the amazingness will have sunk in!

Today I want to talk about taking a break from reality.

I haven’t been on a PROPER holiday in 3 years, the most I’ve had since Graduation is a couple of days snatched away from reality. Normally with Lucy and normally in Scotland. You can read about our little run away from last year here but please forgive the formatting!

These little jaunts away, although still good for the soul can also be a little bit rocky. Everytime you run away eventually you have to come back. How well you face this fact, I think, speaks louder than anything about how happy you are with your life.

Recently both me and Lucy have undergone huge life-hauls. So as you can imagine, leaving reality and facing it once again,left both of us a little shaken.

After a big change it is hard to measure how happy you are when you take a step back. So much in my life now is so much better than it was. New dream job, my own little flat, money in the bank. But on the flip so much of that has come with a down side, or at least a side that has at times bin a little hard to figure out.

A new job that I truly love and care about means having to deal with being “new,” with responsibilities, with the fear that it could all be taken away from me.

My own little flat, is in a town where I don’t know anyone, where my closest friends are a 50 minute train ride away, and my very best friend is down in London, a trip to see her takes planning, time off, diary matching. There have been times here where I have felt truly, painfully lonely. I know all this will fall into place, but sometimes knowing something and feeling like it will eventually happen are two very different things.

And as for money, as much as I have never had this much come in to the bank before, I’ve never had that much leave before either. It isn’t so much the money itself as what the money means. The money signals to the world that I am a grown up.  IT doesn’t necessarily make me feel like one!

So after leaving stepping away from reality, and gaining a little perspective in a field, I was a little shaken.

There was a part of me that didn’t want to come back to reality, of course there was, who really wants a holiday to end? But, then I realised, I didn’t really dread coming back, I didn’t cry on the train, I just took a deep breath and got on it. The same could not be said for the last time I ran away.

Now I have the T in the Park highlights playing in the background, I’m still trying to figure out how to walk in shoes that aren’t wellies, and getting up for work this morning was exhausting. But all in all? Yes I am happy. Reality is your every day, it is never going to be as exciting as running away, it is going to seem ordinary and boring, and sometimes even a little scary, but if you find that after an amazing weekend away you can go back and get on with it without too many tears or heart palapatations, then I’d say you are doing ok. Even if your everyday right now is still a little in the air, a little new, a little changeable, it will settle, and when it does, it will be better than ever x

Live life in and out of reality x

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