If there is one thing you should know about me it is this.
I don’t make a habit of wearing dresses quite as revealing as the above.
The other thing you should know about me is that sometimes when I drink, I cry. And it tends to be about my insecurities over how I look. Before reading the following, you should keep this in mind.
Today I want to talk about the way girls can treat girls.
Here in the blogging community and on the Bloggers Food Diary, it is easy to forget that not every girl out there comes across as amazing, supportive and lovely. Some girls can be down right mean. As of course are some guys, however, I don’t know about you but I find, when it comes to our insecurities, harsh comments always hurt more when they come from another girl than they do when they come from a guy. Because we expect girls to understand.
On Saturday night, as I already mentioned, I was wearing a dress a little more revealing than I normally would, I went for bigger hair than usual, and my lipstick was a little brighter. I’ve been doing really well recently with fighting my insecure thoughts, and even though I’d probably eaten enough calories in London to feed a small army I felt good. I felt happy.
We headed down the stairs to a very cool cocktail basement and were shown to some stools at the bar.
I’m not elegant at the best of times, and a gin or two had already been drunk, so when I climbed up on my seat I accidentally brushed up against the girl next to me. And it was a brush, not a knock. I’d had a gin, but of this much I am sure.
Her reaction was to give me a dirty look and make a nasty comment to her friend. I was mortified, I couldn’t believe it, I hadn’t even really heard what she had said, but it was enough to send my insecurities rush through my body, straight to by tear-ducts.
Here is the thing. In all honesty I dress for girls not guys, I expect girls to notice the smaller things, and a compliment from a girl always means more than from a guy (unless of course I really really like him). This is probably because I assume that most girls have the same high standards for themselves as I do, so if a girl compliments me, I can tell myself that I have met my own standards, and that I should stop being so hard on myself. I also expect girls to understand, that we’ve all been there, stood infront of the mirror and thinking ‘do I look ok?’
So if a girl is that outrightly mean? It hurts in a way a guys comment never could.
It takes me back to being 14 and bullied by the ‘cool’ group. It makes me feel lost and confused and like I’m completely out of place. It makes me feel as insecure as a teenager. Like I don’t know or understand my body and that it has betrayed me.
It is completely disorientating. It makes me question myself and everything I know.
And then I realise, I can be bitchy. I’m not proud of it but I can be. And I can’t excuse or justify it. And now that I have felt the brunt of it in full force, as a grown up and not as a school girl, I’m downright ashamed.
I hope you can tell from my blog and my posts that I champion women and everything they can do. Women are more than their looks, their figures, the shoes they are wearing. And yet I have still been guilty of saying ‘Did you see what that girl was wearing?’
We are our own harshest critics, the things we’ve probably thought about ourselves when we are in an oversized jumper, no make up, and our hair scraped back, are probably crueler than any comment a stranger makes. Those two girls in the bar on Saturday night, didn’t look like they were having a good time, maybe they were concious about their hair, maybe they had broken up with some one recently, maybe they had had an arguement and looking for something to bond over. I don’t know where their mean comment about me came from, but I’m not going to reiterate, instead I’m going to remind myself that the comment she made about me, probably isn’t as mean as the ones she has made about herself in the past.
So the next time I think ‘What is she wearing?’ I’m going to keep it to myself, the age old mantra of ‘you deserve the love you give to others’ is equally as true as ‘others don’t deserve the hate you give yourself’ and if we can live in a world where those two things meet in perfect harmony, we might just all start feeling a little better. Wouldn’t it be good if every time we thought a mean thing about someone we counteracted it with a nice one about them? Wouldn’t it be good if we also applied that to ourselves?
Live life & remember girls, really are, the best x