We’re not kids anymore.
Haven’t been for a while I guess, but there is a difference between seeing numbers on a piece of paper and feeling like you’ve grown into them.
24 isn’t old, but it is old enough to have a sister that won’t be a teenager for much longer, old enough for Usher’s ‘Myv Boo’ to be released 10 years ago. Old enough to forgive those kids at school, to laugh when they seem shocked that you turned out to be this person ‘you were always so nervous.’
I wasn’t, not inherently. I’m naturally confident, always have been, even when Usher was on the radio. You made me nervous, but that’s ok, it’s in the past, that won’t happen again.
Just lately it feels like every other day something happens that highlights to me just how much I’ve grown. Sending a contract without a second thought, paying bills, standing up when something isn’t right. These things can be tiny or they can be huge momentous milestones, either way it is enough to cause a girl to reflect.
I love reading bloggers post ‘to their younger self’ always so many points that make you go ‘Oh my gosh so true’ always so much knowledge, always so much care, compassion, growth. I toyed with the idea of posting to my younger self, but I decided I’d have very little to say.
I wouldn’t tell younger me anything I didn’t already know. I wouldn’t tell me that I’d become who I am today, I wouldn’t tell me that those around me would turn out like they did. I wouldn’t tell me, that one day I’d get an apology, or a real groupf of friends. I wouldn’t even tell me that it would all be ok.
Because on some level younger me already knew that, and if I didn’t give her the chance to believe in that feeling and in herself like she did, I wouldn’t have turned out like this.
I grew up to trust my own instincts, to rely on my vibes, to read people, to be a little wiser than my age. I had to learn that all by myself, to take that feeling and that dream and invest in it. Not because somebody else, not even if that somebody happened to be me the older me, told me it would be ok, but because I had faith it would be.
I’ve grown into that belief, and I hope I keep growing in it. And if older me is listening? Please don’t tell me anything, I’m looking forward to finding out all by myself.
Live life & keep growing x