Happy Friday everyone! How the devil are you? My first week back at work has been insane, I haven’t even begun to process the fact that I was on holiday last week, in truth, I feel ready for another one! But at least I have a weekend visiting friends this weekend, which is always good for the soul, and this group of friends in particular always make me feel a little bit more ‘back on track’ after having seen them.
And that is what I want to talk about today, being on track, or rather going back to your roots.
Yesterday I reread my first ever blog post. I thought it would be incredibly cringey, but in truth, I reread those words, and I recognised them as being part of me. And I didn’t cringe not once. I read those words, and part of me missed that girl. She was so happy just to be starting out on her adventure. Freshly landing in Manchester. Only just performed her first ever solo show. And she was so enthusiastic. She was doing things because she had all the time in the world to try them and work things out.
And she loved writing, and she was mad about performing. Reading those first couple of posts you can tell she was falling in love with theatre.
And I fell hard. I did. And I am still madly in love with theatre, it’s what I do every day, but I have lost something. Something that I can’t quite put my finger on. Something that I want to describe as newness, but that I think might be a little bit more than that.
Back then finding my feet in my career was all new to me, of course it was exciting, I had no idea what it was all about, how much work it would be, how hard things could be. I hadn’t had my heart broken by my passion, by theatre at that point. Sure I had had a guy break it, but that is so much easier to deal with, you can cut that guy out and never go back to it. But your passion is a drug, no matter how many times it breaks your heart you know you will always end up going back.
Time passed by and I grew, and after the hard stuff came the good stuff, the reviews, the art projects, the amazing job I have now. Never have I for one minute, wanted to give anything that I have now, up. But I am well and truly out of the honeymoon stage of my career. And it isn’t that I take my career for granted. No, it isn’t that. I work hard. But do you know how long it is since I performed and loved it? How long it is since I really sat down to write? How long it is since I went for it, just to see, and not because I needed the pay check, or because I felt I had to, to validate my choices?
I couldn’t give you a specific time frame because I’m not exactly sure when it happened and I don’t think it happened over night, I think it petered in and out for a while.
I want to go back to my roots. I want to practice my writing. I want to perform in things that probably in 3 years time I will think were terrible. If I can’t have a second honeymoon with my passion, then I at least want romantic weekends away, date nights, and one day to renew our vows. We’re in this for the long run me and theatre, and while flirtations with new hobbies are always nice little distractions, they will never be able to give me what theatre does.
And that is what I need to remember and to feel again. I have no idea how to get there, but at least if you recognise something is lost then you can start to look for it.
Live life & remember your true passion xx