what “you’re amazing but…” really means


Hello wonderful, are you having a beautiful week?

Today I wan’t to talk a little truth about the age old break up line ‘you’re amazing but…’

I’ve heard it countless times. Every guy who has ever broke up with me, or more accurately, has ever called things off with me before they properly got started has used the line ‘you’re amazing but…’ and yes, I have probably used it once or twice myself.

When I heard this line once more on Sunday (sorry I didn’t tell you about *him* sooner, but I barely had the chance) I thought I would scream. I cursed to the universe, and my poor friends tired ears, ‘eff off saying I’m amazing, because clearly what you actually mean is you’re not amazing enough’ and thank you very much, but I already tell myself that far too often without hearing some guy say it too.

But several hours, and several Taylor Swift songs later, I was dancing to a different tune. Figuratively speaking that is, literally I’d been shaking it off to the same tune for hours.

I thought about all the times I’d heard that line, and all the times that line had really stung. I counted 3. Plus twice more if you count the times that it didn’t just sting, it stabbed and sliced and threatened to tear me apart. 5 all together.

One – I’m really sorry, you’re amazing but I can’t…
Two – you’re amazing but I’m not over…
Three- you’re amazing but I need to focus…
Four – you’re amazing but I’m really busy…
Five – you’re amazing but I just don’t feel a spark’

That of course, is five more times than anyone would ever hope to hear. But when I think about it, I’d rather hear that, than stick around with a guy who thinks I’m amazing but never makes me feel it.

Because the truth is, I am amazing and so are you. So often guys, and girls, are attracted to the people they think they should like. People like you and me. Good looking, funny, intelligent, happy, kind. The ones you could take home to your parents, introduce to your friends. They are so busy looking at us and seeing a list of all the wonderful amazing things that we are, that they forget to spend any time working out whether or not they actually like us.

And then they realise, you can’t have a relationship with a list, and that is when you hear ‘you’re amazing but…’

And it hurts, and we look at that list of all the amazing things we are, and that they think we are, and we tell ourselves that they are lying. That they can’t truly think that or they wouldn’t be breaking up with you/turning you down/calling it off. But they’re not lying. They truly believe that you are amazing and for a while they were so blinded by that they really thought they should be with you. But you don’t want to be with someone because they think they should be with you. You want to be with someone who not only knows they should be with you, but they make you feel it too.

When you’re dumped, it never feels fair, and it never feels like the ball is in your court. But it is. Not only is the ball in you’re court, but the universe is on your side. For a while “You’re amazing but you’re not the one for me” just feels like sugar coated rejection, but when that person is leaving your life, to make way for THE PERSON, then hear this instead ‘you’re amazing but I’m not the one for you.’ And know that actually they are doing you a favour.

Live life & don’t be afraid to be amazing x


6 thoughts on “what “you’re amazing but…” really means

  1. This is so good. You’ve really hit the nail on the head. I hope you’re doing okay and I’m sure I don’t have to tell you already that you’ll find better! X

  2. Stephie you speak such wise words all the time. I went through a very bad break up years ago now and I thought it was the end of the world. But what do you know? It was making room for the current man in my life and now we’re planning to move in together!

    You are amazing (if you didn’t know already). And I bet people tell you this all the time, but someday, a nice boy will come along to tell you you’re amazing and they’ll show you how amazing you are too. I guarantee it.

    P.S I don’t like this boy and I’ve not even met him.

    Holly | http://abranchofholly.blogspot.co.uk/

    • Thank you so much Holly, and you’re right, of course my friends tell me that, and when they need it, I tell them that too! I just need to remind myself that the reason I tell other people they are amazing and it will happen for them, is because I genuinely believe it will, and so why shouldn’t I believe it of myself too?

      I have been through one hideous break up, and another one, that was also horrible, but mainly I think because it picked at an old wound. In comparison this was nothing.

      I shall just keep building my castle and some day some one will be so wonderful they will convince me to let down the draw bridge xx

      ps. he wasn’t all bad, he just handled the situation poorly!

  3. You have a really good outlook on this whole situation. Just because someone does not think you are the right person for them does not make you any less of a person. And there is no sense in chasing after anyone who isn’t invested in who you are. Keep being your amazing self, doll. 🙂

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