the good, the bad and the somewhat ugly parts to living alone…

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Hello stunner, happy Friday, how has your week been? It’s been a long and tiring one for me, work has gone mental, which means I love every minute of it, but also means a ‘normal’ working week goes out of the window, instead I am grabbing days off when and if I can. Which would be fine, except I am full of the lurgies, and never having two days off in a row, means that it is taking a little longer than usual to kick this cold to the curb.

So this week, when not working I’ve been sleeping, and lounging, and generally being a little bit of a hermit. Not the most thrilling of weeks, but nice in it’s own self indulgent kind of way. It has also meant spending a lot of time alone in my wee flat.

When I want to be, I can be a real lone wolf, I like to nest and snuggle into my reading spot on the sofa, or set up my blogging office all over my living room floor, with no one to answer too or to make room for. And most of the time, that is my idea of heaven, however, too much of any good thing, can soon turn sour, and sometimes, crawling into my hermitty ways means crawling inside of my own head and finding myself in the darkest murkiest corner of my thoughts.

The plan when moving to Blackburn, was never originally to live on my own, I had visions of moving in with some people my own age, and living a very Lancashire version of Friends, where presumably the Joey character ate hotpots instead of meatball subs. However, people my own age aren’t all that easy to find in Blackburn, and house sharing just didn’t seem to be a thing here. The other option I had was to be a lodger, however, after 18 months of living in the flat that nobody loved in Manchester, and never really feeling like I had a space of my own, I didn’t much fancy that either. And so I began looking for a 1 bed, furnished number, and as soon as that’s what I decided on I fell in love with the idea of it.

And 95% of the time, the reality lives up to the idea.

I love being able to decorate my walls with my favourite dresses, in every room of the house. I love closing the blinds, turning my music up loud, and dancing in my underwear without the fear of somebody catching me. I love sewing on my kitchen table, watching films in bed, cooking at all hours of the day, heck, I even like (love would be too strong) being responsible for my own bills. I feel like my flat is my castle, I can retreat here when I need to, lock the door, and make any repairs that need to be done. It’s my rehearsal space, my office, my library, and my walk in wardrobe. It is very much mine, and now that I have this space to myself I can’t really imagine house sharing. At least not with strangers, if my best friend was to need a house mate that would be a very different story – mainly because I could still do all those things I listed above, but instead of a dance party for one we could turn Beyonce up loud together!

But being alone also means, walking in to an empty and cold flat on a night, and having no one there to immediately rant to if you need it. It means having to be the one to call the landlord if something goes wrong. It means having to buy my own hoover, when the one my gran gave me (from approximately 1972) dies a dusty death. I am ALONE in my own space. And of course that can be hard. I spend a lot of my time feeling like I am running off to Manchester just for some company, on days where actually I’d like to just sit on the sofa drinking tea, while somebody else potters around. I never realised how nice it can be just to be in the same space as some one else, to be alone in your room, but listening to some one else potter around, putting the kettle on.

If somebody asked if I would recommend living alone, I would say nobody can make that decision for you. You have to know how happy you are in your own company, how much of a hermit you can be, how much of a hermit, you might sometimes need to be. How much do you relish having a locked door between you and everyone else? Because, as I said, 95% of the time, I love these things, but that other 5% can be truly ugly. You have to watch out for signs that your lone wolf might be turning a bit feral. And most importantly of all remember that just because there is nobody within arms length, there are people at the end of the phone, and you are in charge of how alone you truly are.

Live life & remember to make the most of whatever space is yours x

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15 thoughts on “the good, the bad and the somewhat ugly parts to living alone…

  1. I don’t think I could live alone. Not entirely, and not at the moment anyway. I just wouldn’t be comfortable. I’ve grown up in a house of 5 and have ALWAYS had people around me. Like you said, I think it’s the pottering I’d miss the most 🙂

    Saying that though, living with complete strangers is definitely starting to take it’s toll. I think living with my best friend or boyfriend would be the ideal life! 🙂 xx

    Little Miss Katy | UK Lifestyle Blog

    • I feel a bit like I might have missed out on that chance to live with a best friend, and that makes me a little sad but at the same time, I’m really glad I have this time to myself. It totally fits in with the very selfish stage in life I am at, where I only have my own needs to answer too! Plus I have faith that it isn’t forever so I guess that helps! xx

  2. 1. Those dresses make my heart scream with happiness. I love that you hang pretty dresses in various rooms within your house. 2. I lived alone for 3 years, 3 years!! Like you there were lots of positives and most of the time, it was totally fine. I loved being able to binge watch TV without being judged. I loved being able to get out of the shower and walk around naked for a bit while I search everywhere for a clean towel. I loved sometimes coming home to a empty house, just to breath, take it all in and fully relax. But despite all of this, there were without a doubt times, when a housemate would have been wonderful. Times of madness, times of missing the other person to share the family sized bar of chocolate with or someone to celebrate with when something extremely awesome happened. Someone you could just talk to for hours about absolute rubbish, just because they’re around.

    You’re so right. You can’t say if living alone is 100% right for someone. For me, i’m glad I don’t live alone anymore, 3 years was too long. However, I think it is maybe something that everyone should experience. I learned more about myself in my little flat at that time, then I have ever before. I learned I can be alone and I learned I like company. Ha! I love your description of the lone wolf turning feral. I think I may have gone a bit feral for a bit. 😉

    Sorry for such a incredibly long response!! xx

    • I have so many dresses, that even if I don’t wear I keep them about, especially vintage ones, they are essentially works of art!

      3 years is a long time, I guess at the moment, because I know this job is currently due to finish in a year, and then my life will change remarkably again, I’m just grateful for having this time to be as selfish, and as hideous in my onesie as I like! But, yes there are definitely times I catch myself in the mirror, and think, this wolf could do with a good groom!

      Please never apologise for a lengthy response! I am so guilty of doing this xxx

  3. This was an interesting post, especially as I’m considering moving from a six person flat to a two person flat in the summer, with the first six months living by myself during the week. I enjoy my own company and having a place to myself without needing to negotiate with anyone else, but I do worry about the loneliness. I think, like you, it’ll be 95% loving my own space and 5% wishing I wasn’t by myself.
    Jennifer x
    Ginevrella | Lifestyle Blog

    • That first six months will be a really interesting time for you, especially as it will be interrupted at weekends with some company! I’d just enjoy taking that time to be a selfish as you need, and I have also learnt you never get too old for sleepovers with best friends! xxx

  4. I’m not sure how I’d be at living on my own. When I was living in London I did get so fed up with house sharing so a lot of the time I’d hide in my bedroom anyway – other people in your space at all times being inconsiderate and messy did make me GRRRRRRR on most days! However, like you, I definitely have moments where I hate being on my own cos I find myself getting a little sad!

    I think if Simon and I were ever to split up and I found myself in a situation of needing somewhere to live I probably would very seriously consider living on my own. After sharing a flat with just him I can’t see myself ever wanting to go back to a house share!

    Chloe x
    newgirlintoon.co.uk

    • I think it really all depends at what sage you are at in life. I know a friend of mine has had a terrible time moving in with her high school best friend, after years of living alone. The two of them were is such different places that it was impossible to try sharing the same living space. And I think after a break up, more than ever you need some space to retreat into just for yourself.

      All of which entirely hypothetical, I am sure you and Simon will be very happy wolves for a very long time xx

  5. Reading this makes me realise how I have never lived on my own. Never. I lived with housemates at university and then my bff when I first moved to Derby. Now I live with Byron and hopefully will do “as long as we both shall live”. I am quite envious of those who do get the experience and sometimes wish I was brave enough to have taken that step. Of course, I do still get to dance around the house in my underwear so there’s that xx

    • Yeah, I feel simmilar though about you living with your best friend. Me and Lucy had a couple of months where it looked like we would end up sharing a flat and I have never been more excited about anything, but life had other plans for us and so it never happened! Now I’m just grateful to have this space of my own to work out my life in. Of course, I think the thing for me is that I know it isn’t forever, my time in Blackburn is due to finish this time next year, and then who knows where or who I will be living with xx

  6. I can imagine living alone would take some getting used too, particularly coming back to a dark house…but as soon as you’ve got it looking cosy and got into your comfy pj’s on I bet it’s pretty amazing, you should be proud to be independent! I’m quite a lone wolf so I reckon I could make it work, would be weird not to have my dog around though!! Plus, spontaneous no judgement dancing? Love it!

    • I think I would freak out a lot more if I lived in a house by myself, but my wee flat is the perfect size for just me, and there has only been once or twice where I’ve felt the need to have some sort of weapon by my bed, and that was mainly down to watching gruesome cop dramas before bed! xx

  7. Fantastic post! I love that word — “castle.” Also, dancing in underpants. Yep. Me, too. From one singleton to another: take care and celebrate you in your space!

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