the good, the bad and the somewhat ugly parts to living alone…

Hello stunner, happy Friday, how has your week been? It’s been a long and tiring one for me, work has gone mental, which means I love every minute of it, but also means a ‘normal’ working week goes out of the window, instead I am grabbing days off when and if I can. Which would be fine, except I am full of the lurgies, and never having two days off in a row, means that it is taking a little longer than usual to kick this cold to the curb.

So this week, when not working I’ve been sleeping, and lounging, and generally being a little bit of a hermit. Not the most thrilling of weeks, but nice in it’s own self indulgent kind of way. It has also meant spending a lot of time alone in my wee flat.

When I want to be, I can be a real lone wolf, I like to nest and snuggle into my reading spot on the sofa, or set up my blogging office all over my living room floor, with no one to answer too or to make room for. And most of the time, that is my idea of heaven, however, too much of any good thing, can soon turn sour, and sometimes, crawling into my hermitty ways means crawling inside of my own head and finding myself in the darkest murkiest corner of my thoughts.

The plan when moving to Blackburn, was never originally to live on my own, I had visions of moving in with some people my own age, and living a very Lancashire version of Friends, where presumably the Joey character ate hotpots instead of meatball subs. However, people my own age aren’t all that easy to find in Blackburn, and house sharing just didn’t seem to be a thing here. The other option I had was to be a lodger, however, after 18 months of living in the flat that nobody loved in Manchester, and never really feeling like I had a space of my own, I didn’t much fancy that either. And so I began looking for a 1 bed, furnished number, and as soon as that’s what I decided on I fell in love with the idea of it.

And 95% of the time, the reality lives up to the idea.

I love being able to decorate my walls with my favourite dresses, in every room of the house. I love closing the blinds, turning my music up loud, and dancing in my underwear without the fear of somebody catching me. I love sewing on my kitchen table, watching films in bed, cooking at all hours of the day, heck, I even like (love would be too strong) being responsible for my own bills. I feel like my flat is my castle, I can retreat here when I need to, lock the door, and make any repairs that need to be done. It’s my rehearsal space, my office, my library, and my walk in wardrobe. It is very much mine, and now that I have this space to myself I can’t really imagine house sharing. At least not with strangers, if my best friend was to need a house mate that would be a very different story – mainly because I could still do all those things I listed above, but instead of a dance party for one we could turn Beyonce up loud together!

But being alone also means, walking in to an empty and cold flat on a night, and having no one there to immediately rant to if you need it. It means having to be the one to call the landlord if something goes wrong. It means having to buy my own hoover, when the one my gran gave me (from approximately 1972) dies a dusty death. I am ALONE in my own space. And of course that can be hard. I spend a lot of my time feeling like I am running off to Manchester just for some company, on days where actually I’d like to just sit on the sofa drinking tea, while somebody else potters around. I never realised how nice it can be just to be in the same space as some one else, to be alone in your room, but listening to some one else potter around, putting the kettle on.

If somebody asked if I would recommend living alone, I would say nobody can make that decision for you. You have to know how happy you are in your own company, how much of a hermit you can be, how much of a hermit, you might sometimes need to be. How much do you relish having a locked door between you and everyone else? Because, as I said, 95% of the time, I love these things, but that other 5% can be truly ugly. You have to watch out for signs that your lone wolf might be turning a bit feral. And most importantly of all remember that just because there is nobody within arms length, there are people at the end of the phone, and you are in charge of how alone you truly are.

Live life & remember to make the most of whatever space is yours x

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